Sad reality

 I had a horrible morning today.

I was sleeping well, had decent dreams. And then the alarm rang. I woke up with a horrible feeling of sadness and hopelessness. I had tears on my face, my eyes were wet. It’s almost like I wanted to go to sleep and wake up in my bed in my parents house. Instead I woke up here, where I don’t want to be.

I don’t want to eat, I have a horrible neck pain (I have been suffering from neck pain on and off for about a year). But I think heartbreak is the worst.

I’m constantly thinking of ways out of this marriage. I’m fantasizing about my future without him.

Let’s go back to yesterday:

I did not want to give up his phones, but I told him I will give them back after work. He said he will destroy them immediately.

I was furious. The truth was so close. I know, I just know he cheated on me. 

He picked me up after work and demanded I give up the phones. I gave him the older one and he destroyed it with a hammer then and there. I didn’t want to tell him where the other one was.

I actually taped it to my leg and hid it under my pants. I thought I would be able to find a solution and maybe open it later.

He went through my handbag, frantically looking for it. He was shouting at me, took the keys to my work and wanted to go inside and search for it. I didn’t want him to do that so I told him the phone is with me.

He touched me all over my body but somehow didn’t find it.

I told him I will give it up if we go to T-Mobile to open it. He agreed. We went there, I was watching him from the car.

As I suspected, he came out and said the phone cannot be unlocked anymore. I lost.

He won.

I’m sure he knows the code.

He said “we weren’t even married back then”. It tells me all I need to know. He fucked around when we first met and doesn’t want to admit it.

He was so scared it drove him crazy, he was speeding to that T-Mobile, he told me to “shut the fuck up”. That’s my husband everybody. He is a walking, talking red flag. 

My next post will be all about why I hate this man. 

Because I truly do.

I have been struggling to tell him I love him for the past couple weeks. I don’t feel any warm feelings, I don’t want him around, I dont want to hear him speak. I think he is full of shit. 

He is the worst thing that ever happened to me. He is the most self-centered, narcissistic assholes I have ever met. He has always been the person he loved the most. 

His mom raised him horribly. She is a workaholic and all of her children turned to shit. 

Her oldest - my husband, obviously a womanizer, impregnator, alcoholic.

Her middle - leftist,bisexual lgbt supporter, pot smoker and a loser who uses her mother for money,

And the youngest - 10 or11 year old wildling that’s a disrespectful brat. Little shit talks back and threatens to call the police. She never goes out and stays home most of the time on her tablet. Freaks and weirdos - all of them.

I used to like them. But then I got bitten by his sister’s dog and I found out they don’t give a single fuck about me.

I don’t know if I mentioned it. In April his sister and her boyfriend were supposed to move in with us. I knew she had a dog, but I didn’t know what kind. So I agreed without hesitation. Family needs to help out each other, right?

The day came. I come back from work and I see this big pitbull mix in the backyard. I immediately thought this is not goin got be good. I wanted the dog to sniff me through the fence. She was wagging her tail, so I thought - we’re good.

I then entered the house and they brought that dog on a leash to the house. I was worried about my Pomeranian so I was holding him in my arms. I wanted the other dog to smell him first. I was crouching and she immediately lunged at me and bit my right wrist. I fell to the ground and I was holding my bleeding wound. It hurt so bad, I couldn’t think. My husband immediately took me to the hospital, it was a long ride. In the meantime - guess what - the family dipped. Just left. Left their shit and left. Thanks for the support I guess. The wound was deep, I couldn’t move my thumb. They gave me internal stitches and were worried that the tendon might have been affected. 

They referred me to the orthopedic clinic. They made us fill out a police report on the bite. We were also supposed to come that night to the police station, but I was in a lot of pain and I wanted to go home.

We went a couple of days later and immediately got a phone call from his mother shouting at him: why did you say it was your sister’s dog?! Why didn’t you say that it was a stranger’s dog? Now your sister is going to be in trouble!”

As she should be. She should have been in big trouble. That dog is dangerous. That dog should be put to sleep. She is pregnant by the way. Good luck to them. 

They ended up keeping the dog, nothing happened - police said they can’t do anything if I don’t want to sue.

I didn’t sue, because his mother told me I will destroy the family if I do.

Isn’t that just lovely? In the end, they only cared about her and not my scars that I will have for life.

I already was asked by a customer if I tried to kill myself, because those scars look like self harm. 

I don't care about them anymore. I will remember this until the day I die.

Enough for today.