God, what are You trying to tell me?

 It’s been progressively worse. Day by day.

I will just go straight to what happened.

A couple days ago I spotted my husband charging a phone I didn’t recognize. I asked him about it and he said that it’s his old phone and that he had just found it in the garage.

 He said “is it ok if I keep it? I have pictures of the kids on there”. He did the puppy face and I don’t remember what I said.

In my head I knew I had to go through that phone. I found it today in the morning in the garage in one of the drawers. I was surprised to see another phone there.

I suspected that it was the phone he had when we met.

I found an old iPhone charger and took both phones to work to go through them.

The first one had the same passcode as his current one so it was easy. It was back from 2017, so years before we met.

Still, what I found on there - I was shocked.

I think he was going through a divorce at that time and was stationed in Hawaii. 

I didn’t go through all of it, but I saw that he was messaging about five or six women at the same time. I knew such people exist, but who can manage that?

All of them - same bullshit, same messages. Everything based on sex. Even if I didn’t know whose phone was that - I would recognize him in a heartbeat.

He played and lied to all of them. 

He told multiple of them how much he missed them and loved them and how they will have a future together. It made me sick to my stomach.

I took pictures of what I found. 

I was most shocked that he got a girl pregnant even before he had his first kid. That woman suffered a miscarriage. Of course my husband never mentioned it.

Who knows how many women he got pregnant?

Most of his conversations were very sexual. Sending pictures, porn.

I immediately realized I need to access the other phone. My marriage is on the line.

I charged it because it was dead. I couldn’t access it. No password opened it. 

I was in shock. I needed answers. I was sure my husband had to cheat on me too, like the other women. People don’t change overnight. 

I made a mistake. I straight up asked him what the password was.

He got in the car and came to my workplace to cause a scene. My coworker had her little daughter with her. I took him outside, he was shouting. A lady from the other store came outside and told screamed for him to stop.

I had 911 on dial.

I don’t want to ruin his military career.

But there is clearly something on that phone that he wants to protect. He demanded I give it back. I said no.

He left. 

Came back 10 or 15 min later and went into my office to go through my desk. I told him to stop. He was scaring my coworker. I was also scared for my job. 

I promised him that I will give him his phones back after work.

He said he will destroy it with a hammer.

I don’t want to.

I want him to prove to me that he didn’t message with other women. Or worse.

Knowing him and his past I can be 90 percent sure that he did.

I need proof.

I can’t open it though. He refused to bring it to T-Mobile to unlock it. He doesn’t remember the password. So he claims.

I don’t trust him. I never have. He is slimy and disgusting.

On Sunday I forced myself to make love to him and it hurt me and he wouldn’t stop until I cried. I said “I don’t want to have sex every day”.

My husband is a sex addict. Undiagnosed. 

He literally needs to have sex every day or he will be stressed and have trouble sleeping.

He has multiple masturbation devices. 

I allowed it, because of his sexual needs. 

At first I thought he is that hungry for sex because of his ADHD. 

But him being a horrible cheater and a baby maker clearly say that he is a sex addict. 

God, why am I here. Why did you bring me here?!

I had a positive pregnancy test last year. A week later it was negative. I knew at that time that God gave me a sign, a way out. It wasn’t meant to be. I should leave before it’s too late.

God help me.