Horrible mood
I keep waking up in a horrible mood. I’m depressed. I open my eyes in the morning and I don’t look forward to anything. I stare at the ceiling. My body feels heavy. My eyelids feel heavy. My heart feels heavier than ever. I haven’t slept well in a while. My thoughts are wandering. I don’t have appetite. My stomach is clenched. I’m nauseous. I don’t want to get up and go downstairs and greet the man that I resent. I don’t think he knows how much I hate him. I tell him every day though. It started from me replying to his “I love you”: “I love you too” - just to say it. In a dry, emotionless way. Or maybe not - it started with me trying to avoid saying it back to him. But he kept pushing it. So I just replied so that he would leave me alone. But it wasn’t genuine. Then, as his behavior was becoming worse (I will explain) I went to: “I don’t even like you”. And now, a couple weeks later I don’t hold back and I just say “I hate you” I haven’t posted ...